Archive for September 2009

Waiting

September 28, 2009

Well, I am at the point now where I could take a pregnancy test, but I am scared.

When I was 20 I was told that I would never have children unless there was an act of god or huge amounts of fertility drugs.  I was really sad at the time because I felt like I had lost out on my only chance to have kids when I was young, stupid, and apparently yet to have hormone issues.  So, after a short time of being upset, my fiance (now husband) and I decided to look on this as a chance to go wild.

Not so long after this, I was getting ready to take some really severe medication for my P.C.O.S. and before you can take this, you have to verify that you are not pregnant.  At the time, age 20, though I knew someday I would want children, I was still not  quite ready and was figuring that everything would go according to plan.  So, I peed on the stick and prayed.  Let me tell you, praying doesn’t mean jack shit when you are in your early twenties and are as busy as we were.  That’s right miracle number one discovered, and I freaked.  I think I peed on enough pregnancy tests to kill a person, because of shock and a need to prove to myself that I wasn’t crazy.  This set of nine months passed in a blur of college, a wedding, and settling into our first place.

Baby #2 was equally as shocking.  I was not hoping for another and at the time really wanted to just get my life set in order.  I was asked shortly before finding out, “when do you guys plan on having more kids?”  My response at the time?  “Um, not for a few years.”  Oh that’s right turns out the moment I said that, I was a good 4 weeks pregnant and had no clue!  The day I found out about #2 I cried, I stuttered, and I looked forlornly at what was supposed to again be a cyst ready to be removed and tried to decide on the best way to tell my husband.

The problem is this time I want it.  This time I am hoping to see that extra pink line and I am scared that it won’t ever happen.

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Work Frustration Rant

September 22, 2009

Today has been a long day.  Why does my district spend al this money to send me to training that I have already done?  I sit for three hours in a room when only 20 minutes really apply.  This leads me to wonder what in the fuck goes on when my district plans this shit out. I was really hoping that when they say refresher they mean refresher and not we are going to treat you like you are a retard and walk you through this for the third time and pretend that this is all so beneficial.  When really, if I could be in my classroom and working with kids, then my time would be beneficial and I could read a memo with the same information.

I hate when people eat loudly!  Fuck!  Everyday in my “team” meeting this woman eats so loudly you can hear her from across the room.  It is disgusting.  I do not have anyway to approach her, but I tell you that everyday I sit in this meeting dreaming of her choking and dying on her food.  I know this is terrible, but sweet baby jeebus, I hate, hate, hate, it and I really wish there was a tactful way to say shut your damn Angelina Jolie lips and eat with your mouth shut so I do not have to hear each piece of food go into your mouth and be processed.

What is the point in being part o f a team that doesn’t want you and doesn’t include you in anything unless it is a shit job that they do not feel like doing?  This is something that annoys the shit out of me.  Every day for 45 minutes I sit in a “team” meeting, and everyday, I do try to enter with hope that today will be the day, but thus far, I have yet to reach the day.  Right now, I get “oh your kids don’t matter” or “oh, that would be great go ahead and waste your time and do that for us so we can ignore you and pretend it has never been mentioned.  this is insanely useful and fun.  I know that sometimes my negativity does seep into what is going into theses meetings as well, but I will tell you that the over all attitude I receive is what forms my negativity.  Please, if you are out there and forced to be a part of a team, remember that every one out there is being forced to be a part of a team and would like the same respect that you would like.

Recent Life Happenings

September 20, 2009

–         This year I have vowed to keep myself organized and on top of things, let me tell you, this was  a much larger goal than I ever assumed it would be.  I am now regretting it, because I am always leaving work late, going to work early, and staying up late so that this can all be done.  What I do have to say is that despite my wonderful organization there is very little recognition of what I do and how difficult it really is.

–         Last Friday, I went out with friends from work and afterwards I left thinking I had paid (that’s how much I had to drink) and when I looked at the slip I had it said that my meal and drinks were on the waiter and he gave me his number.  While I thought this was cool, I figured it must be a mistake because he spent the whole evening flirting with a friend of mine seated right next to me.  So, of course I called her to say what happened and giggle girlishly.  This brought up that I should call him and check to see, because if I was right, she did indeed want his number.  All I can say is, most embarrassing phone call ever!

Hi, this is the lady you gave a free meal and drinks to this evening, how are you?  Oh, good, so I was calling to see if you really meant that for me, because I thought you would have meant it for my friend sitting right next to me that you flirted with all night long.  Right, right, yes I was the lady wearing the red coach shirt who’s married.  Oh, you only do married chicks, right, well sorry, but I only do guys I am married to.  Now, to call back my friend, who really only likes to do married men, and tell her that this guy did indeed mean this free meal to woo me.  I could have saved myself a lot of embarrassment had I just thought of myself as sexy enough to receive a free meal and drinks.

–         My husband and I have been looking at houses recently and found ourselves both really loving one particular house.  We planned to put in a bid on the house and were just trying to decide about all of the particulars when our real estate agent calls to say someone else put in an offer and if we wanted to even be considered, we needed to put in our offer now.  So after 24 hours of mayhem and decision making we put in an offer on the house. Thus began the waiting game.  I wait like a two year old waits.  Needless to say, it was long two days until the phone rang and our contract was accepted.  It is tough to believe but, we may actually have a house to call our own.

–         As previously mentioned in another post my birthday was this week and it was a very strange birthday due to the house stuff and food being strange and having to work all day, but all I can say is the week turned out to be a banner one and I am happy to say this was a birthday that I will not soon forget.

–         My son recently started kindergarten and I have been harboring ill will for his teacher since, the Meet and Greet, the day before school started.  All I can say is, I still dislike her.  I think that she is a fake mean bitch who doesn’t give a shit about my kid or getting to know him.  He has only been in school for about 3 weeks so, I will have to see if I can manage to continue my hatred all year or if she will at some point redeem herself.   What has maintained my hatred so far has been that we were getting phone calls and emails about his behavior, and then at the end of the week we got home a behavior chart that did not reflect the things we were hearing about.  Then, because this seems incongruous, to me as a teacher, I went in to talk to this lady.  She explained the things that we were being emailed and called about were not happening in her class and so, were not reflected in his behavior chart.  However, this week all of the same issues continued and they were again in places not in his classroom, but I will say that this week his behavior chart came home and it was pretty terrible and of course it reflects all areas of the building.  She needs to make up her fucking mind, does the behavior chart represent all day everywhere or is it just in her classroom.

It’s Time to Celebrate!

September 14, 2009

That’s right, it’s my birthday and I am turning 27 years old.

Some things about me now that I am 27:

1. I have been married for 6 years.

2. I have 2 children.

3. We have no debt.

4. And, god-willing we may soon own the house of our dreams.

5. I got the sweetest note from a student of mine today and it made my career choice seem even better than it always has.

6. I go to bed by 10 most nights, I feel old just saying that.

7. My memory is terrible!

8. I can be petty and mean some days.

9. I am glad that I am alive.

10. Strangest Birthday ever.