Going Back for Thirds

When I was very young, I thought I wanted to have 10 children, be 7’7″ tall, and pump gas for a living.

None of these childhood dreams have come true.  The only one I wish I were even close to is the height; I mean 5’4″ isn’t terrible, but think of all the cool stuff I could do if I was super tall.  Need to get something from the top shelf, no problem.  Need your kitten rescued from a tree?  Got it!   Need a professional basketball player to pay millions?  I could take that job.  Ahh….. dreams.

The dream I am closest to, however, is the children (halt that thought right there, I only have 2).  Though with two already, I know that I have no desire for 10  kids. Ten, is more than excessive, it reaches the  point of showing off.  Plus, who the hell really has money for 10 kids these days, that is, without a TLC show funding their lives.  I will say, however, that I have reached a point where I would like to have a third baby.  Now, we have no money so to speak, but that is not a fair judgment.  I am a teacher, and we will never have much money.  I have been told that if people waited until they had money for children many of us would not exist.  I guess, I am just trying to decide if planning a child is the right choice or not.  This would be my first and only planned pregnancy out of 3.  What if now, that I really want to go around planning these things, it just doesn’t happen.  After all, I was told I would never. have. children.

I just feel like I am not quite done having children yet.  Is there a point when people really feel finished?  Or do people just have to decide, even through a burning desire to have more, that they are done, and even though they want to and it is possible, that having even one more baby is just off limits. I just want to have one pregnancy I can celebrate seeing that extra little pink line, one pregnancy when I could enjoy telling people we were pregnant again, and one pregnancy when I felt like I was in control.  I also really want to hold another tiny being and know that my husband and I will love this child too for the rest of our lives.  One more round of tiny clothes, that warm, good smelling, tiny little head to kiss, the joys of discovering a new personality, and the cuddling. Ohhhhhh the cuddling.

I know those are the good things, but I have thought of the bad stuff too.  What if we end up in the NICU again, could I handle that? Or the diapers, screaming, spit-up, lack of sleep, toilet training and many other things.  But these all seem like small trade offs for the amount of joy babies bring into the world around them.

So, does going back for thirds make me crazy?  Is it a bad idea?  How do I know if enough, is enough; because sometimes, when I am having cake, I have a very hard time separating enough from too much.

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5 Comments on “Going Back for Thirds”

  1. Kori Says:

    If wanthing a third makes you crazy, then lock me up in a freaking padded cell because I? Have four. And would chew off my left arm (because really, I eat and write with my right hand, who NEEDs the left one?) to have just one more. I don’t feel like I am done yet, I feel like there is one more in me, because the joy far outweighs the fear and the worry and the financial stuff. Unfortunately, I won’t BE having more; my partner thinks the three I had when we met plus the one we had together is plenty. And sure, rationally I understand it, but I have cried some fairly bitter tears over it. Is it worth losing the man I love over? Hells no. but does it make me sad? You betcha.

    • jennieology Says:

      I was hoping that somehow people just knew they were done, and I could someday be at peace with my decision to stop having children and that my hormones would not always long to have babies.

  2. Kori Says:

    I think SOME people just know; I am not one of them.

  3. I absolutely knew when I was done. 30 seconds after my son emerged, I said, I am NEVER doing this again.

    Do it if, A)you have room in your heart for more, and B)you don’t mind being outnumbered.

    • jennieology Says:

      I don’t really mind being out numbered so much as I just am not sure how one does the whole outnumbered thing without a TLC show.

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