Archive for August 2009

Going Back for Thirds

August 31, 2009

When I was very young, I thought I wanted to have 10 children, be 7’7″ tall, and pump gas for a living.

None of these childhood dreams have come true.  The only one I wish I were even close to is the height; I mean 5’4″ isn’t terrible, but think of all the cool stuff I could do if I was super tall.  Need to get something from the top shelf, no problem.  Need your kitten rescued from a tree?  Got it!   Need a professional basketball player to pay millions?  I could take that job.  Ahh….. dreams.

The dream I am closest to, however, is the children (halt that thought right there, I only have 2).  Though with two already, I know that I have no desire for 10  kids. Ten, is more than excessive, it reaches the  point of showing off.  Plus, who the hell really has money for 10 kids these days, that is, without a TLC show funding their lives.  I will say, however, that I have reached a point where I would like to have a third baby.  Now, we have no money so to speak, but that is not a fair judgment.  I am a teacher, and we will never have much money.  I have been told that if people waited until they had money for children many of us would not exist.  I guess, I am just trying to decide if planning a child is the right choice or not.  This would be my first and only planned pregnancy out of 3.  What if now, that I really want to go around planning these things, it just doesn’t happen.  After all, I was told I would never. have. children.

I just feel like I am not quite done having children yet.  Is there a point when people really feel finished?  Or do people just have to decide, even through a burning desire to have more, that they are done, and even though they want to and it is possible, that having even one more baby is just off limits. I just want to have one pregnancy I can celebrate seeing that extra little pink line, one pregnancy when I could enjoy telling people we were pregnant again, and one pregnancy when I felt like I was in control.  I also really want to hold another tiny being and know that my husband and I will love this child too for the rest of our lives.  One more round of tiny clothes, that warm, good smelling, tiny little head to kiss, the joys of discovering a new personality, and the cuddling. Ohhhhhh the cuddling.

I know those are the good things, but I have thought of the bad stuff too.  What if we end up in the NICU again, could I handle that? Or the diapers, screaming, spit-up, lack of sleep, toilet training and many other things.  But these all seem like small trade offs for the amount of joy babies bring into the world around them.

So, does going back for thirds make me crazy?  Is it a bad idea?  How do I know if enough, is enough; because sometimes, when I am having cake, I have a very hard time separating enough from too much.

Who Do I Thank For This?

August 26, 2009

My job is generally a stressful one to say the least,  and I have never had a first day go as smoothly as today did.  I am sure that it helps, that of my 12 students, only 6 were kind enough to show up on the first day.  But hell, I am willing to take that victory and run with it.

By this time last year, I was ready to pull my hair out and I should clarify this to say, that today was a 3 hour day.  However, today was simply a breeze.  My students were polite, respectful, calm, and over all pretty quiet.  I kept looking around to make sure I was in the right place.  First, I work in a middle school.  Second, I teach a Cross-Categorical Self-Contained Special Education classroom, that usually resembles a three ring circus, not to say there isn’t learning going on, it is just a bit (or more like a whole lot) more crazy than one basement classroom can normally contain.

My first hint that things were different, I gave out snacks to each student and when I did, all my students said “please and thank you,” they cleaned up after themselves, and they had not one issue all day long.  I loved it!  I can only hope that this lasts through the year and that with each passing day, they will only surprise me even more.

So, today, I am paying homage to whatever gods are out there for the blessing that was my classroom today, and asking for many more days like this one.

Note to Self

August 23, 2009

Dear Self,

You have been having a great summer.  You have accomplished some of the things you wanted to, but overall, you have been lazy, forgetful, and self-indulgent.  You have been eating on no particular schedule, you have been recklessly using the bathroom whenever you want to, you have been napping at all times of day, and worst of all you have been going to bed at crazy hours, well past your 9 o’clock bedtime.

You are in for a rude awakening in about a day or two and you are going to get your ass kicked by the clock.  Please, straighten out your act or I will be forced to do something drastic about this situation.  These measures will include things like dragging your butt out of bed to work out before going to work or depriving you of your soul saving caffeine.  So, shape up or prepare to be shipped out.

Also, you have been doing things in preperation to organize your stupid behind, and I swear this time you must follow through with it!  This year you must stop staring off into space while mold slowly over takes your desk.  You need to remember that if you leave your lunch out all day it will no longer be something you should eat, you should however, remember to bring it home.  Also, please stop losing important paperwork and putting it off until the last minute, this is your year to shine.  Don’t embarrass yourself in front of your new Para.  You can do better and I am expecting to be impressed!

Love,

Me

P.S. Okay, okay, I won’t really take away your caffeine, but I will torment you with it if you aren’t careful Missy!

Procrastination Leads To This… If You Wait Long Enough

August 12, 2009

When my son turned one, my sister-in-law made him the most beautiful quilt, which started my burning desire to  be able to make one, too.  That summer, on a visit to see our family in Illinois, I did just that.  I bought $80 worth of fabrics (much to my husband’s chagrin) and cut them into strips, then I sewed a few and began to feel like a master.  I thought, “My god, there’s nothing to this! I’ll be a professional in no time flat.”

Procrastination for me is a way of life, so the quilt fell into my deep, dark hole of, “Oh, I’ll do that tomorrow.” For two or three years, it seemed like every tomorrow was not exactly right, so I finally had to come to terms with just working little by little and taking lessons from my sister-in-law whenever I could.

Finally, four years later, I have a quilt.  The quilt is a row shorter than planned due to my lack of organization over the years, but I am still very happy with the end result.

The Season of Mean

August 8, 2009

Have you ever just had an angry period in your life?  I think I am having one of those…

Everything. And I do mean every little thing bothers me.  I am trying to be nice and not overly pushy, but it is not working.  In fact it just makes me feel meaner.

Lately, everywhere we go I am yelling more (and I am pretty sure my husband thought that wasn’t possilbe until now) at other cars for their stupidity, I am freaking out about the little things my kids do that really aren’t so awful, my grudge holding has been taken to a new level, and I just feel angry most of the time.

Hopefully, this too shall pass and I will return to my normal mean and sarcastic self.