Bologna and a Half This Thick

Today, I caved and called my mother for the first time in around a month after complete radio silence from her.  I know I am a wonderful daughter…

So beyond that as I talked to her to see how things were going, some of which I already had hints at because I had heard rumors, and so I waited to hear the world from her point of view.  Anyway, as we got into the conversation, my mother starts airily saying how my younger brother, who is bipolar, is living in a homeless shelter in town, has stopped taking his medication, is taking some form or another of heavy drugs, has shacked up with some homeless drug addict and her 2 two year old baby, and has over drawn his bank account by hundreds of dollars and the bank is threatening to send the police after him.  After making this statement, she very quickly states that she had nothing to do with it really, and that she tried to warn him against this and how it would all end.

I know my mother very well, well enough to know what a line of bullshit this truly is.   Now, from experience, I know what a pain in the ass my brother is, was, and has been, but I also that my mother could make almost anyone insane, never mind someone who has actually struggled with his sanity.   My brother has gone through a lot, but he has put all of us through more than our fair share as well, and though I know he can not truly always help it, it has never fully relieved me from thinking some awful things.  In my mind I have always known that at some point he would need someone other than my mother to take care of him, but I never thought it would be quite so early in his or my life, and I have always dreaded it.  I came fully to that realization after reading I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb back when I was in high school.  But, having that idea come full circle and be something that really should happen is something all together different.    Also, knowing that my mother is across town, could if she really wanted to do something, do it, makes me question what I should do.

What I do know is all I can seem to think about is:

If this were my kid, no matter what, would I allow this to happen?

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One Comment on “Bologna and a Half This Thick”

  1. Kori Says:

    I think that sometimes there simply is nothing anyone can do. Plain and simple. And that it is always easier to think of what you would do differently, but maybe you wouldn’t. NOT that I am just autoamcially defending your mom, but just-having gone through a variety of different things in my life, with ex-husbands and now a daughter, sometimes the only thing you CAN do is pave the way and hope they see it; the rest is up to them. Even in cases of mental illness, I think, because he must know that things are better when he is taking his medicine? Hell, I don’t know, I really don’t.

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